Being a momma is quite an adventure. Usually I have one goal with mommy friends; to convince you that you are probably a better parent than I am. There is just so much pressure on mommas to do EVERYTHING perfectly, parenting blogs aren’t particularly helpful in this. In our quiet moments as moms, we look on Pinterest and see a list of everything we aren’t doing for our family. Crap, a family night is supposed to contain party favors and a banquet table for my kids with labeled appetizers?!?!? Every time I see a list of 20 things you can do with your kids, I think, ‘bite me, I did 2 things with my kids today and I am tuckered out.’  I think most moms I know fall asleep at night with one worry, “I screwed up today. I failed my kids in such and such ways.” So if you chat with me about being a Mom, I can probably list off to you the many reasons I am convinced my kids will be in therapy most of their precious lives. Oh you said something mean to your kid, guess what, I told my tender hearted girl that all of her friends were nicer than her. WHO SAYS THAT!??!? Me, in a desperate tired moment, full of sin, with confession and apologies and hugs and kisses and words of affirmation later.

In the coming paragraphs about what I am learning right now, please don’t read into any word I type a suggestion that the Fieleke’s have it all together. WE DON’T! When other mommas are chatting about how to get their kids to eat healthy food, I am laughing on the inside thinking, ‘Its a good day if my kids don’t put the dog food in their mouths at a friends house’ and ‘lucky charms are a food group at my house’. Judge away, thats what the internet is for, right? 😉

Here is my favorite thing about being a Mom this far. My kids teach me endless lessons about Jesus. This morning I read Jesus’ disciples asking Him who the greatest in the Kingdom was. I can totally see myself asking him that, aiming for performance and perfection. Jesus response was to put a little kiddo on his lap and reply, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

In our house we have some daily mantras, sentences that we have been repeating for years now. One of them is, “no squeezing my boobies, Lydia.” The more helpful ones are, “We share everything we have because Jesus shared everything He had with us” & “How can you serve so and so and put them first right now since Jesus put us first when He died for us.” I guess the first time I said that to them, it was because a problem came up. Kids hate sharing (newsflash, they are born with a sin problem). So I started reading books and blogs about how to get kids to love sharing. To tell you the truth, the answers made me sad. For example, only make them share toys they don’t care about and hide the toys they love during playdates so they don’t have to share the special ones. Or a sesame street video with words, “My favorite thing about sharing with you is that you will share with me next.” I guess it all made sense, until God gently reminded me of the Gospel. He held nothing back, He gave himself for us. He gave up his riches and robed His glory in flesh to live the life of a servant, washing his disciples feet, before He paid the price for their rebellion on the cross. So it was resolved, in our house, we share everything. Every toy is up for grabs. Our girls have never known anything else. When they say, ‘mine’, we remind them it is God’s and He is happy to share with them. Sounds great right?

Then I had to start taking huge doses my own medicine. For years now, I have said 5+ times a day, “We share everything we have because Jesus shares all He has with us.” And the Holy Spirit started melting my dumb adult reasonable mind. I didn’t want to invite students over one night for dinner because our grocery budget is tight. And the Spirit whispered, “I am so rich in kindness and grace that I purchased your freedom with the blood of my son and forgave your sins.” (Ephesians 1:7). I didn’t want to give money from our tax return to the orphanage we love and support because we had a long list of wants. And Jesus spoke, “I shared with you, share with my children.” I ignored Him until the next time I spouted off to the girls, “How can you put sister first since Jesus put us first?” Ohh, you want me to die to myself, Lord, and out of a grateful heart give money that you gave us to an orphan. Makes sense, why didn’t I think of that?

When students and friends are over they hear us chat with the girls about the simplicity of the Gospel and they say, “I left and later I was convicted to put my roommate before myself.” Its just not supposed to be as hard as I make it sometimes, is it?  I guess all I have learned about being a momma to these little gifts is that the Holy Spirit lives in me and will continue making me more like Jesus, if I cooperate, until the day I meet Him face to face.

Today I just have a grateful heart and wanted to share. For me, the Gospel changes everything.

That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served – and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage. Matthew 20:28

ps. keep checking the blog because in a few days, Josh will post a video about a recent trip to Asia and him spending the day with the baby we support and pray for at the orphanage we support. Get excited!!!

It has been a rough week at the Fieleke house. A week ago today we lost a sweet baby. Josh and I were 10 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child. We were thrilled. It had been a rough pregnancy with lots of sickness. At 6 weeks we saw the precious baby’s heartbeat flicker on the sonogram screen. The sonographer guesses that our little one went to be with Jesus around 7 weeks.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
    before a single day had passed.   Psalm 139:13-16

Having a miscarriage is the hardest thing we have ever been through.  We had hopes and dreams for this little baby we will never get to know on this side of eternity. We mourn for the life that should have been and the sibling our girls were so excited to love. Our arms feel heavy knowing that we wont get to hold the baby we loved so deeply already.

Then comes this wild hope of ours. We have never been more grateful for Jesus. Our God came down at Christmas to rescue his people. We don’t have to wonder if God is good to us because He showed us His goodness in leaving perfect Heaven and becoming a frail baby Himself so that we could know Him and experience His love. Because we have given Him our lives, our sin doesn’t separate us from Him anymore and we don’t have to be scared that losing this baby is some sort of cosmic punishment. NO! I read 1 John 4:18 and rest in His perfect love that expels all of my fears.  Each day since we lost the baby, He has made us certain of His goodness. His body, the church, our friends and family have surrounded us, cared for us and cried with us. And his perfect peace has carried us in our loss.

We would be honored if those of you who pray to Him, would pray for our family in the days ahead. We will bury our tiny baby who we know is not in his or her body but present with Our Wonderful God. Our daughter Ruth is mourning. She called the baby Macy while he or she was growing inside of me. Please pray that she could experience the riches of His peace and love as she processes loss in her own little 3 year old way. Pray for my body to continue healing, I have never known such pain but we are thankful that the worst is over.

I will never be grateful for this loss but I am thankful that it happened during Advent. During Advent we celebrate the most amazing time in human history when God came to us. And because of advent, we are sure that if He came once, He will come back again and take His people to our forever Home. I’m thankful that one day, we will know our sweet Macy because of God’s crazy goodness. He lived the life we couldn’t live and died the death I deserve to die. All of this to give me a life and eternity in Heaven, I could never earn. An eternity that I long for more than ever because in the presence of Jesus, I will hold Macy in my arms.

There is a great article here about families who experience miscarriage that I would encourage anyone to read. We hope you will be gracious with us as we are slow to return calls and emails. We are taking lots of time as a family to rest and be together. Thank you so much for caring for us and praying for us.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

I know many of you check our blog for ministry updates and there are certainly many of them! I will put together a fun post of the many things God is doing at KU soon. We are thankful 2 new students have placed their faith in Christ already! Many others are getting connected to community within Cru and excited to grow. More to come, I promise!

For today, I have a personal update for you. I have been anticipating this week for months. Ruth started preschool today. Whoa. I never thought I would be one of those, “time goes by too fast” people, but seriously, it does.

Our week started differently than I thought it would though. Our friends lost their baby girl, Sophia, to anencephely on Sunday. Read their story here.  She was more than a friend’s daughter to us. As odd as it might sound, she was my girl’s friend. We spent the summer directing Walt Disney World Summer Project with them. Ruth loved to draw pictures for Sophie, while she was in Lindsey’s belly. She loved to talk to her and feel her kick. She loved to talk about Sophie’s castle in Heaven. She wants a room right next door : ) Our hearts were so much in love with our little friend. She helped us to treasure Heaven as a family and dream of our forever lives there. Her Mommy and Daddy helped us to trust God’s goodness in the hardest of times.

In this much anticipated week I had built up to being all about my little girl, Jesus reminded me that its always all about Him. Baby Sophie passed away. She was our first friend as a family we have known to pass away. Thats a big deal. In grieving, I honestly asked the Lord to remind me that He was good. And He did. As a Christian, I am certain that I will live forever with Jesus in Heaven, a Perfect world. I don’t get to go there because I have earned it. In fact, I am utterly incapable of earning anything except separation from God. But in His great love for the world, He sent His Son, Jesus, to be perfect on my behalf. And now I have confidence that by the Son’s merit and not my own, I can enjoy God forever in Heaven.

I forget though. Instead of storing up treasure there, I make a treasure out of preschool. Of course, preschool isn’t a bad thing, it is SUCH a sweet gift. But, when my heart gets out of step with the heartbeat of the Maker, I start loving the things He makes more than Him. Gifts like back to school clothes, and haircuts, and school supplies become way too important to me.

In the midst of our week of firsts, God gave us a very sad but hopeful first to set our eyes and our prize in Him and the gift He has given us in Heaven, life forever with Him and His people.  This week has been full of questions about Heaven from Ru girl. Who will be there? When will we go? Will we be sad? We have been thankful for the promises all over the Bible about the joy we will have there!

This morning was sweet. Ruth slept in braids so she could have crimpy hair and we went headband shopping for the perfect one. And get this, though I have cried hours on end just thinking about her going off to school, I was tear free this morning. Just thankful for grace. Thankful that God gave us a affordable preschool where we can send her with teachers that will kiss her cheek and pray with her and sing her songs about Jesus.

Here are our mandatory first day of school pictures that I took way too many of and got increasingly obnoxious trying to get just a few more out of her. That is like a mommy rite of passage right? I think so.

Thanks for stopping by. Please pray for Baby Sophie’s parents, Kevin and Lindsey, this week as they celebrate her life and grieve their loss. 

I found myself asking the Lord last semester, “Are you sure you see me?” I kept feeling like Hagar (from Genesis 16) wandering the desert feeling all alone. Josh and I are dearly loved by our teammates and they cared for us well from Greece, but there were still oceans separating us, so I know it was a bit normal to feel alone.

When I was driving to an appointment with a student and back home to the girls, I asked the Lord out loud, “Are you sure you still see me?” “I feel stuck. Ministry is messy and hard. I am messy. You don’t have to keep watching me Lord. I mean, I know you will, because you are always true to who You are. But, really, I wouldn’t blame you if you looked away.” 

So the day after I cried out to the Lord, we got a phone call from some dear friends in Lawrence. When I say dear, I mean precious to us. They took us in the second they met us at church. They offered to watch our baby, Ruth, at the time. They brought me meals when I was pregnant with Lydia and sick. They love people and serve tirelessly. They are also full of godly humility and so I will keep their name private.

Oh yes, back to the phone call. She said, “Josh, are you still paying rent? We think thats silly. You should buy a house. We could help.” What?!?! The details are precious to me and I will share any more if you want to call or email me, but thats the just of it.

When he hung up, I heard the Lord, “I see you. I always have and I always will. Every second and every longing of your heart, I see you.” Part of me was so glad I had cried out to him and been honest and the other part of me quickly confessed how sorry I was that my little faith allowed the question to ever grow root in my soul. He always sees me.

In Genesis, when God meets Hagar, the foreign slave girl in the desert, she gives Him a new name, “El-roi” (The God who sees me). He saw her not because she deserved it, but because He is always faithful to His character. He is full of abounding love and mercy towards both those who know him and those who are far from Him.

So we began the process of buying our first home. We pinched ourselves often as pieces fell into place and we found the one. One where our mortgage would be less expensive than our rent was. What?!?! Thank you El-roi.

At every turn, even more precious than the home He was allowing us to purchase, was the promise that He saw me. He knew my husband and I’s longing for a back yard for our girls. He knew my maybe-kinda-silly longing to paint walls and plant flowers. He saw me and that became the song of my soul last semester and this summer.

We are officially moved in, and when you get your monthly prayer letter from us, we included our new address. Our family came for a week and helped us with making this house our home. We painted every wall (Which thoroughly ridded my system from ever wanting to paint again). They joked that they were on a mission trip because they knew we wanted our house to be a blessing to college students. And quickly after they left, a college student who needed a place to stay, moved right into the guest room for a bit. We celebrated having a guest room to offer.

I would love to post pictures one day soon but I am too much of a snob, so I will wait to take pictures till my house is perfectly decorated and clean. Haha so maybe in three years… just kidding. I really will get around to that one day. In the meantime here are some of our firsts, first backyard bbq as a family and first morning in bed snuggling.

Thanks for stopping by and celebrating with us!

Our Summer Project students and staff are pictured below (In their work outfits)

 

Wow! How did our summer pass by so quickly? Well, I know. Day by day. He was faithful every second. Some days better than others.

People came to know the Lord. Students learned how to share the Gospel. College program students are joining in with our summer project students and entering into relationships with Jesus. Ruth met princesses. Lydia Joy learned how to walk. My husband served tirelessly. We were overjoyed when the Lord provided the remaining funds the students still needed to raise in just over 2 weeks. Family came to visit and do life with us for a bit. Our amazing staff team joined our family and got to know our girls. Jesus met with me. Our Summer Project students got to meet students and make friends with people from all over the world, and tell them about Jesus.

Whew. If you made it through that list, thanks. I had been hoping to have a chance to list everything that came to mind that God did this summer. And if you can believe it, I had to stop myself : )

I find myself singing this old hymn often this summer,

“Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.”

I have another exciting post to write today about our new home. Make sure to read about His amazing provision for us on the next post!

 

Haha I bet I have you a little curious about what this post might be about.

Well, do I have a story to tell you!!! We are here in Orlando on Walt Disney World Summer Project and loving it. Our students work at the Magic Kingdom and on their off time, they participate in our Summer Project activities and fellowship times.

On Wednesday, the staff team took the students to Cocoa Beach for surf lessons (so fun) and sharing their faith on the beach(also super fun but maybe scarier to some than surfing). What does it look like to share your faith, you ask? Well, it just looks like initiating spiritual conversations with people in hopes that they would be open to talking about Jesus with you. It may surprise you to learn that people are very willing to talk about Jesus. We have conversations with people – we don’t shove things down their throat or tell them how they should change. That isn’t our job. We just start conversations walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and leave the results to Him. And we are helping students learn to do this too. Let me share an encouraging story with you.

Two women on our staff team went out on the beach to talk to people. They prayed for a bit and saw two girls off in the distance so they approached them. The staff girls, Chrissy and Lindsey, said, “We are doing these spiritual surveys with people to talk about God, would you be willing to share your thoughts with us and do one?”

The two girls replied with big smiles, “Shut up!”  One of the girls spoke up, “We were just talking about God. We see Him in the ocean and we wish we were closer to Him.”

“Well”, the staff members said, “We would love to talk with you more about Him.”

They had a great conversation with the girls, Ali and Antoinette. Antoinette explained that she sure she was a Christian but she had stopped obeying God and walking closely with Him. She is excited to get plugged back into a church. Ali, allowed the staff women to share the Gospel with her. She was so excited. She prayed with them on the beach to ask Jesus to come into her heart and start a relationship with Him.

Ummmm God is Great. Aren’t you encouraged?  It is always worth it to ask the hard questions. It is always worth it to allow God into conversations. Easy, no. Worth it, YES! They were sitting and literally waiting for someone to come alongside them in their journeys with Christ. Haha God is reminding me how true that is even as I type it out. He is like, “Really though Maddi, it is.” He is smiling probs, maybe because He knows He will have to remind me again in like two days…or two hours.

Thanks for letting me share that story with you. The girls traded numbers with the staff women and they will be contacting them to continue a friendship and help them grow! Would you take a moment to pray for Ali and Antoinette?

We are so grateful for our time here. On wednesday afternoon, my Mom and Step-Dad Rick came to visit for a few days. The ensuing days were PACKED FULL OF FUN…want some pics??? Beware, these are maybe the cutest pics you have ever seen in your whole life. There is this magical place called the Bibbity Bobbity Boutiqe in Downtown Disney where each little girl gets a fairy godmother of their own to help them learn to be magical princesses. The place fills up with reservations 180 days in advance. So, I did what any Mom would do and called non stop for days to get in on a cancellation. Yes!! We got one!

Lydia decided Pluto is ok in her book so she actually took pictures with him : ) They had tons of fun with Poppy and JuJu and we did too.  Today we are resting. Lydia spent the night projectile vomiting all over me, my hair, and our bed so she is resting and cuddling lots today! Joshua is busy working with staff and students but still had time to bring this desperate Momma a Starbucks. It was delightful.

Thanks for stopping by!

 

 

Over the last few weeks since we have been in Orlando for Summer Project, Ruth will say a few times a day, “We are really really far away!” I think she just realizes how different life is here and she remembers flying in an airplane for two hours to get here!

I am feeling like God needed to get my attention. He may have needed to get our family really really far away from ‘normal’ to get our attention. I was explaining to a staff friend last night that I feel like being away from home has helped me to hear His Spirit’s Whispers that I too often drown out by the noise of everyday life. I am writing tonight with a thankful heart. There is no sweeter sound than that Holy Whisper.

During my time with Jesus in the mornings before the family wakes up, I have been studying the Patriarchs with Beth Moore’s help. She wrote about how God called Abraham to leave Ur so that God could turn him into a great nation. She suggested we think of our Ur as our ‘Usual Routine’. I have been thinking lots about that. My usual routine doesn’t leave a ton of wiggle room. I often find myself booking my calendar down to the minute.

What is funny is that I am not hearing anything crazy profound or serious. I am just experiencing Jesus afresh and it is so sweet. I am thankful that He called us really really far away this summer. He is meeting us here.

I think He is doing this in the student’s lives too. No, I know He is. They have been here only one short week and walls have been broken down. They shared in Soul to Soul groups last week in small groups, letting people into the places we normally shut people out in our lives. We invited them to bring their junk to the light and experience forgiveness of Christ through His Body of Believers. They are beaming. Today they are at an all day training for their new jobs at the Magic Kingdom.

When we told them that we were trusting God that they could tell others about Jesus this summer and enter into new friendships, they were understandably nervous. We (the staff team) took them to a nearby park and started conversations with people about spirituality. That day, a group of students got to see someone place their faith in Christ! God is on the move!

Please continue praying for our summer and the other staff and students. We know God will be glorified!

Here are some summer project pics. Make sure to scroll all the way to the bottom to see pictures from Ruth’s super special third birthday!

The staff team arrived 1 week before students to prepare for the summer. We had a fun night out getting to know each other (there are 20 of us) at Disney’s Boardwalk.

Grammy blessed us beyond belief by helping me fly down to Orlando with the girls while Josh drove. And she stayed with us 1 week and served non-stop so that I could attend planning meetings and stay sane while adjusting to life in a condo : ) The girls were in HEAVEN with Grammy here loving on them!

 

We took the staff team to Cocoa Beach for a day of Surfing before students arrive. The theme for the summer is Big Wave Surfing. Relating walking by faith, depending on the Holy Spirit to catching a wave while surfing. Both include lots of crazy faith and wild adventure! 

 

 

Then the students arrived! 58 of them : ) We are having a blast getting to know them and introducing the girls to them. They will for sure leave Orlando at the end of summer with changed lives having encountered Jesus!

Here the students are on a day when we went to talk to people about spirituality at a local park. This was the day that they got to see a man place His faith in Christ for the first time!

 

 

 

Ruth Mae’s third birthday was so special.

We were so thankful that there was a cancellation at a resort nearby for a Character Breakfast with Minnie, Donald Duck and Goofy. I am convinced that was God’s special birthday present for Ru girl! Can you believe crazy people make reservations up to 180 days in advance???

Itty Bitty was having tons of fun that day…until the characters arrived. Then the fun was over. Haha she was so unamused!

We invited our staff team over to our condo for a little birthday party that afternoon and they blessed our family by coming over to celebrate. You know how Ruth loves a good party! She was thrilled!!!

She is especially in love with the two other staff kids here, Sam and Eli. They came with birthday presents! Her prayer that night was, “Thank you Jesus for Sam and Eli and my TWO birthday presents they brought!”

Thanks for the prayers and support to get here! We will continue updating the blog with pics of students and our family. Keep the students in your prayers as their job training at the Magic Kingdom is underway!

This morning, coffee in hand, I journaled with sloppy handwriting, laying everything out before the Lord. I think Jesus was proud but Josh was probably most blessed by it, so I would stop laying everything out at his feet in the form of word vomit. Pretty picture huh? I am just feeling needy, lately.  Haven’t you ever felt like that? Like that girlfriend guys break up with because she needs constant affirmation. Now, I know God isn’t going anywhere and Josh isn’t going to break up with me. Nonetheless, I am needing constant time with the Lord lately to feel assured of his goodness and love for me. I am ok with that : )

 

Here is a little about what is going on with us…

If you get our monthly prayer letter, you just found out where we are spending the summer serving – in Orlando, Florida – on Walt Disney World Summer Project! If you haven’t heard of summer projects, they are Cru’s version of Summer Mission Trips. (click here to learn more)

We are co-directing a mission trip at Walt Disney World along with 10 other staff and 75 students. Why Disney World? (really sounds like suffering for the Gospel huh?) We believe, it is actually one of the most strategic places we could spend our summer. Walt Disney World has a GIANT college internship program that students from every continent in the world, except Antartica, participate in. They move to Orlando for a year and work at Disney World. In God’s divine provision, Cru has formed a relationship with the Disney Internship program and they reserve 75 spots each summer for our students to come work at the Magic Kingdom. In their experience, our students have proven to be responsible, team players, and hard workers. 

While working at Magic Kingdom, our students build relationships with their co-workers from around the globe. We will coach them in how to be bold about telling their new friends about the hope they have found in Christ. Their experience this summer will be a building block for the rest of their lives as they serve God in the workplace after college. 

For me, my summer project to East Asia after my freshman year of college was a life-changing experience. I shared the Gospel with students who had never heard of Jesus. They were so thankful to hear of a God who loves them and wants them to know Him and experience His love and plan for their lives. 

We are trusting God for so many things this summer. We are trusting him to provide the extra funds to move our family to a condo in Florida for six weeks. We are trusting Him to change lives this summer of both our students, and the international students working at Disney World. Our dream is students from the Middle East, China, and Africa experiencing the wild love of God in Christ and bringing the Gospel back home to their family and friends. We are trusting Him to help our girls thrive while we uproot them from their beds, friends, and routines for the summer. We are trusting Him to grow us while we walk by faith through the end of this school year and into the summer. 

I had to lay all that out again at His feet this morning. Philippians 4:19 is a rock for my wandering heart to stand on, “And my God will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Fact is, he is rich, not needy. I am needy. I can run to him with every single need physical, emotional, spiritual and he will supply for them through my relationship with Jesus! I am deeply grateful I don’t have to earn anything, its all grace. My generous God providing for me because I belong to Him. 

If you able to financially partner with us this summer in our ministry, visit our donation site here. If you want to pray for us, for our students, and for the college interns at Disney World we would be very thankful! God is on the move and we are so excited to be a part of that this summer! I pray for you, who are reading this, to be assured of Him who is rich, generous, and full of grace. I hope as you feel needy, you know you can go to His Word and read those precious promises for those who love Him. 

Lots and lots of love, Maddi 

Now for some pics of our lives lately….

If you aren’t in Kansas City, you probably have been enjoying a little light snow the last few days. If you are in KC, you have been experiencing the much talked about “Snowpocalypse”.  KU was even out of school 2 days last week and one day this week! It was fun…at first…then I felt TRAPPED.

I just got off the phone with my sister in law and we both agree that two snow storms in a row didn’t quite bring out the best in us. There is something sweet about being broken together. Here is to rejoicing in His mercies being new each day and His love for me not depending on how much Barney I let my two year old watch over the last few days.

In the meantime, I will share some fun memories we made over the last few days. 

The girls had a blast playing with their Daddio in the snow! Ruth was unamused when it got inside her boots though.

Here is what happens when I try to do yoga with two kids in the house and a husband who thinks its funny : ) Jillian Michaels would not have approved of the workout that followed.

She is just precious.

Last week was ESPN College Gameday at KU. Something I had never heard of until I married Joshua. It was so fun to take the girls to a KU event for FREE : )

Itty Bitty Lydi finally has two little teeth! And I have wrinkles under my eyes. Look at her teeth instead of my wrinkles please.

Here are the students we love and really really want to tell about Jesus.

I shrunk two of my hubby’s Jayhawk shirts and felt bad but I was really excited when he gave them to me to make dresses for the girls!

Hope you enjoyed/survived the Snowpocalypse without losing your mind : ) Thanks for stopping by our ‘front porch’

Love, Maddi

Have you ever felt like you just can’t keep your head above water? I am going to assume your answer is ‘yes’ because if it is not, I don’t know how you do it. Life just hits hard. For me lately, it hasn’t been a packed schedule or a messy situation, it has just been life. Josh is home with the girls this morning for a few hours so I could get out and have a date with my Life Giver. Sitting in front of his Word, with journal opened and furiously writing all my thoughts, I am feeling like I can take a breath, finally. 

I am reading Multiply, by Francis Chan (strongly recommend this!) and the stinker keeps putting questions in the text and then telling me I have to answer them. It is so much easier when a author puts questions in the middle of a paragraph and keeps going. But God has better for me today than skimming over the hard stuff, so I keep stopping to answer. And DANG it is hard. 

So, I disciple students for a job. I love it. I love asking the hard questions and letting them dig deep into the depths to find an answer. This morning, I am having to dig deep and finding that the answers are murky and messy. Why Lord, am I feeling lifeless when you offer Life daily? Where am I looking to myself for power, discipline, love where you offer Better?

Luke 14:25-33

²⁵ Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, ²⁶ “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷ Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. ²⁸ For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? ²⁹ Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him,³⁰ saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ ³¹ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? ³² And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. ³³ So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

Here is the question that I can’t get away from: If you choose to obey Jesus’s call to follow, what might it cost you? Avoid being vague. If following Jesus would cost you specific possessions  comforts, or relationships, list them below.

When I read His words, I felt like I was getting punched. My girls are not in their right place. Honestly, I would have liked it a lot today if Jesus would have left the word ‘children’ out of the passage. Then I could keep putting them first all the time. I know He will still let me treasure them but for me to have Big L – Life instead of little l – life, I have to treasure Him most. Obeying Him has to be the joy in my step and the leap of my heart instead of trying to balance.

Balance sucks. It just makes me try to be good at everything. Jesus didn’t say to balance my love for being a wife, a mom, a minister of the gospel, a crafter, a homemaker, and a yoga-newbie. He just said to ‘Come after me’ (verse 27). 

Does that make you uncomfortable too? Today I am asking him how I can do that. Where would he like me to back off, relax, listen more, talk less, plan less, pray more, sacrifice, love differently? My answers can’t be yours but maybe today, like me, you need to stop the balancing act and come after Jesus.