Can I be honest with you? August sucks. Busy everything. Busy everyone. Back to school chaos. Our job turns into a crazy maker for a short season. And my kiddos are all transitioning big time. True story, yesterday I took a pregnancy test even though I knew I wasn’t pregnant (we aren’t trying to grow our family right now) because I thought there HAD to be a reason I had cried every day for a week. Turns out, I’M NOT PREGNANT and August just sucked. Ha. I’m sure if you and I grabbed a coffee this week, you had some sucky August moments you could share with me too.

SIDENOTE: August had *some* amazing moments too. Our babies are back to school and loving it (most days). 

Monday, Rebecca and I were laughing about how I have always loved “Sweet September” and we were thinking up new options if September follows in August’s footsteps. Lets just say, “Sucky September” was the most tame of my ideas. But Jesus has been waking me up to spend time with Him and helping me pray over some of the hard things we are facing. And this morning I heard him speak “Sweet September is coming” to my heart. And by his grace, I am going to walk by faith, not by sight. So friends, want to walk by faith into a sweet September with me?

What better way to launch into September than with Send Joy!?!?! Last year it was super fun and 100 women participated. Actually, I had to close it within 3 days because it filled up. What is Send Joy you ask?

Here’s the big idea: This swap is open to the first 100 people to sign up now through September 3. On September 4 or 5, I will email you the name & address of someone in the swap and I will email someone else your name and address. You have about 2 weeks to put together a gift box to Send Joy to someone else in the swap. When your box is complete, you will toss it in the mail to whomever you get assigned to send one to! I will send a reminder email to everyone on September 15 that it is the last day to send your box.

That means this month you will have the opportunity to Send Joy to another woman, who like you & I, is fighting to find sweet moments to savor, in the midst of our crazy! How fun is this!?!?! And if all goes according to plan, you will walk out to your mailbox one day this month to find a box full of joy waiting for you! Here are some ideas of boxes people sent to each other last year (thanks for letting me pull your pictures off Instagram)

So if you are still with me and thinking, YES I AM IN!!!… let me answer some questions you might have, and then I will tell you how to get your name on the list…

How much do I spend on my Send Joy box? I suggest between 10 & 20 dollars before shipping, but feel free to use your creative skills to hand make items to save money! Just remember that you are trying to make someone’s day with the box you send. Please don’t participate if you don’t have an extra 10 or 20 dollars available this month. I would hate for you to feel too stretched and there is always next year!

How do I guarantee that I will get one in return? There is no guarantee. But I seem to remember hearing somewhere it is better to give than to receive. And as long as everyone actually follows through on their commitment, you will get one in the mail this month!

What if I am known for getting really excited and not following through, should I still sign up?NO WAY! Listen, if you still have christmas packages in your trunk to send from last year, I think you should pass on this one🙂 Seriously, just know yourself and don’t participate if you won’t follow through with Send Joy.

How will I know what the person I am assigned to Send Joy to will like? You won’t, but thats kind of the fun of it. Just put together a box that screams joy to you and I’m sure we will all love whatever we get in return. And for sure include a sweet note with warm wishes to your recipient!

Ok ready to join me??? Here’s how:

1. Send me an email with #SENDJOY in the subject line. And put your first name, last name, and address in the message. My email address is madison.fieleke@cru.org PLEASE REMEMBER TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS IN THE BODY OF THE MESSAGE
2. I will email you by September 5 with a name & address that you are assigned to make a box and Send Joy to. Check your spam if you don’t get one from me by then.
3. Make your Send Joy box and send it as soon as you want to or as late as September 15. I will send out one reminder email.
4. Try to wait patiently as you check the mail every day! Eeeek!
5. When you get your box, send a thank you note, or post a picture on social media with#sendjoy so we can share the joy!
6. I will post an update here when the swap is full and closed : ) So assume that its not and email me now!

I am soooooooooooo excited! Feel free to share this link on Facebook or pull a pic for Instagram so your friends can join me & my friends and we can all Send Joy!

******SEND JOY SIGN UP IS CLOSED. HOPE YOU CAN JOIN US NEXT YEAR IF YOU DIDN’T GET TO SIGN UP THIS YEAR******

I’ve been wearing oversized sunglasses like a hungover college girl all day to cover my tears because tomorrow is the first day of school. Ruth’s first day of first grade, Lydia’s second year of preschool, and Micah will be stuck with a blubbering mess of a Mom because I just can’t handle these babies growing up.

Since I am feeling so sentimental, I figured I would update our blog with some fun summer memories. And since I am feeling utterly unreasonable, there may or may not be 40 summer pictures on this post. Oops.

We closed on our new house in mid-May and worked around the clock to make it livable. Then May 20, we left for the summer and spent 7 weeks in Orlando on Walt Disney World Summer Mission. This was our second summer as a family leading the mission trip and to say we are crazy about it would be an understatement. This mission is changing the world and the students are amazing every single summer.

So here are some of our favorite summer memories…

When we arrived in Orlando, we headed straight for the Disney Boardwalk! We loved meeting baby Jaden! All of our summer mission memories include Dennis kiddos, and we were honored to meet Sophie and Dasah’s baby brother! The girls and I painted in our journaling Bibles and read Mark this summer and it was such sweet time together learning about our Jesus. Did I mention we had the BEST NANNY EVER?!?! Ali is one of our awesome students at KU and she was an honorary Fieleke for the summer and loved our babies super well. We celebrated eight years of marriage this summer & ate the best steaks of our life. Micah learned how to take mean-muggin to a whole new level! This girl turned SIX! Our Summer Mission students! We love them dearly. We went to Sea World on our days off and had a blast. Our favorite family show is Sea Rescue, so we had studied up big time about EVERY ANIMAL THERE. It was so fun. And so hot. We made a small profit when we sold our house and decided to take some of that money to make a family memory we normally wouldn’t be able to afford to make. Josh and I took the big kids (Micah will have to wait until he is a bit older) to Discovery Cove for one of the best days of our entire lives. Seriously, if you are thinking about going – DO IT!!!!! I can’t say enough amazing things about it. Basically, it is a all inclusive resort run by Sea World with limited daily admission where you can swim with dolphins, snorkel in a huge coral reef, and spend hours floating in lazy rivers with all sorts of animals to see and interact with. Best. Day. Ever. Living our dream of being in wetsuits and pretending we are characters in Dolphin Tale. Ruth & I swam with dolphins! I asked her if she had any questions for the trainers and she looked at me, COMPLETELY SERIOUS, and said, “Mom, I already know everything there is to know about dolphins.” I might have cried. Like shaking happy tears cried. I’m ridiculous. They let Josh and Bitty get in the dolphin pool for a family picture. Bitty says dolphins feel like hot dogs. Back to Summer Mission life. We had worship in our room one night and I pinched myself thinking about how my kids have no idea things like this aren’t normal. Moving all the furniture out of the room and packing in 50 students who will follow Jesus anywhere, it is all my littles have ever known. And I am so grateful. Micah loves life. Grammy came for a super fun visit and I don’t think I did a single dish for days. Basically heaven will be like having a full time, live in nanny and a Grammy living with you at all times. A student we worked with three years ago treated us to guest passes for the day at Disney World! It was so fun. Our dear friends from college came to visit for a weekend with their three sons. We had so much fun talking about all that God has done in our life in the last 8 years since college. And our kids adored each other. This was the team of students I got to lead this summer. They were awesome! They planned outreach activities all over Orlando for all their friends to take part in on Saturday mornings. Then there was the day I matched my daughters and I just. couldn’t. handle. the. sweetness.We said goodbye to students and headed for our staff retreat to Animal Kingdom Lodge for 2 days. Our staff team worked their tails off and it was so fun to surprise them with a trip where they could decompress and relax! Plus our kids had the time of their lives. Sweet staff kid friends! No big deal. Just a giraffe in our backyard. After we drove home from Florida, we crashed at home for 10 days and then went to Branson for a quick family reunion with Josh’s family. It was sweet to see family and have cousin time all together. Now we are home and school is starting tomorrow and I am going to eat too much chocolate cake and binge watch Friday Night Lights. Thanks for looking through all of our pictures and praying for our summer. So many college interns at Disney came to know Jesus and we are so thankful for the part he let us play!

I have totally been avoiding this. We’ve sold our house and we are moving to a new completely not new, super ugly house THIS MONTH. Instead of embracing reality, I am enjoying life in my pretty house and I have packed exactly zero boxes. Take that stupid adulting.

We aren’t leaving our town or our jobs;  just changing houses and moving a few neighborhoods away. See, back in January my adventuresome hubs suggested putting our house up for sale because we were likely to make a significant profit if we sold it in the current market. After lots of conversations, we decided not to, because I didn’t want to move. It sounded stressful, and tedious, and did I mention we leave on May 15 to move our family to Orlando for 7 weeks and lead a mission trip??? Timing seemed too hard so we pulled the plug on putting our house on the market. After all, we quipped, God can sell our house if he wants to whether it is on the market or not.

Fast forward to last month when my husband was in Greece for 10 days and I chatted with family friends who were looking for a townhouse in our neighborhood. They were having a hard time finding anything just right for them. They were looking for something move in ready that was updated throughout. AKA OUR HOUSE we have been sprucing up for the past 3 years.

We firmly believe God provided this opportunity for us to sell our current place and buy a house with a little more space to grow in to. And we also trust that all His ways towards us are for our good and His glory. Yet, even though my husband and kiddos are pumped for this next adventure, I find myself bummed that He has asked me to leave the house I love. Willing and extremely thankful, but still having a hard time saying goodbye.

This is the house where we learned how to DIY just about everything…and we learned the number of a good plumber when we couldn’t DIY our way out of things.

This is the house where our family built a swing set my kiddos have logged about seven million hours on.

This is the house where college students sat at our kitchen table and together we counted the cost of following Jesus. This is where they decided to go to Asia and the Middle East to tell people how much God loves them.

This is the house where our little girls asked Jesus to forgive their sins and He sealed their hearts with His Holy Spirit.

This is the house where my son learned to call us Dada and Mama.

This is the house where countless friends and missionaries have cried with us about how broken life is and also rejoiced with us when redemption sweeps in.

This is the house where we have shared meals with at least 500 people. Because breaking bread together is always sacred.

This is the house where biological family and adoptive family have shared meals, heartache, and so many smiles.

This is the house where God has met me morning after morning and whispered promised things to me about who He is and how He loves.

This house has been the perfect house.

I guess I will start packing boxes now. Because, it’s not a house that makes a home. It’s us, and Him, and His people filling it. Our new house will become perfect too. Of that I am sure.

(Ruth keeps telling people we are moving into the ugliest house in town. Its a little true. We are talking wallpaper, brass, and poop-brown paint EVERYWHERE. But I am so excited to renovate and share with you some fun pictures along the way!)

Thanks for stopping by! And reading about our big move this month. Want to come have pizza and help us paint?

An interesting change took place in our house in the months leading up to Micah joining our family. My kids had suddenly aged out of the baby and toddler phase. I had an almost 5 year old and an almost 3 year old – Instead of having babies, I had kids.

Here is what happens when you age out of the baby and toddler phase – you start to do things alone again. I peed alone for the first time in years. I even did crafts at my kitchen table while the kids played in their room – alone. I cooked meals alone while the girls played games or did art projects. I left them with sitters without having to worry about bottles or feeding times. My husband and I could actually say to them, “Dad and Mom need a little alone time to catch up, so you girls need to play outside for 30 minutes please.” AND THEY DID!
Then came our precious Micah, and we were right back to square one, baby phase. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE BABY PHASE. The snuggles, the feedings, the 10 outfit changes a day, the baby wearing, the way they smell like sweet lavender after bath time. I love all of it.

But what is true still, is that our entire reality, capacity, and family dynamic changed. And the last 8 months have been a season of adjustment for me. I am relearning life with a baby and all of the new & different that a sweet baby ushers into our lives.

A few months ago, I had a conversation with a dear friend who is in the trenches raising a baby and a two year old. After hearing her list all the ways she feels like a failure, I gently told her, “If someone else talked about you the way you talk about yourself, I would punch them.” Us mommas, we are really hard on ourselves. Most moms I know fall asleep replaying every moment from the day that they wish they could have a do-over on. And I think I know one of the reasons why!  It’s all of the people, magazines, friends, and experts trying to ‘should all over us’.

This is what we mommas hear on an almost daily basis: We should cook only organic, free-range, antibiotic-free, paleo meals for our families. We should make sure our kids never watch TV because their brains will turn to mush. We should speak to our children with only positive language and never raise our voices, lest we want to raise emotionally damaged human beings. We should use expensive oils instead of poisonous medicine, because that’s what the good moms do. We should do it all, all the time, while looking sexy and staying skinny.

Dear mommas, I don’t know about you, but I’m three kids in, and I simply can’t live up to those ‘shoulds’. Frankly, I don’t want to. Because, when I read God’s word and his heart towards us mommas I find grace upon grace.

Isaiah 40:11 “He will feed His flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”

Psalm 94:19 “When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”

Isaiah 66:13, “As one who his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.”

2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is all you need, my power works best in weakness.”

So here are my New Year’s Resolutions for moms of little ones (Or really for all moms because its the hardest job we will ever love):

Rest More. Seriously, moms don’t sleep. I have a three year old who STILL doesn’t sleep through the night and an 8 month old who has a bottle at 3 am. My sweet husband has to bribe with chocolate and wine to get me stay up past 7:30 pm most nights. I was just exchanging texts with a tired momma of twins who hasn’t slept more than 4 hours straight in almost 9 months. So let’s take some friggin naps. Let’s put our kids in front of a 2-hour Disney movie and give them sugary sweets to keep them entertained and fall asleep right next to them for an hour or two. And let’s do it a few times a week.

Relax Often. I’ve been Momming for almost 6 years now. And by God’s grace, I think of my kids way more often than I think of myself. I feed them healthy meals. I snuggle them when they are sick or tired. I plan play dates and shuttle them to school and back. I brush hair and wipe butts 30 times a day. And I love all of it. But I’m tired and I’m constantly on the run. And you are too. So let’s order take out a little more often. Let’s ask the grandparents to take the kids for an afternoon so we can watch HGTV and paint our nails. Let’s set aside a bit of money each month to buy a book or new pair of jeans for ourselves. And FOR THE LOVE, let’s go to Target all by ourselves and look at all the things with heart eyes and big feels. A sweet grandma once told me, “rushing is for amateurs.” I believe her. Let’s slow down, even if it means our kiddos can’t be in 12 activities a week. They will make it – even thrive,  I promise.

Ask for help when I need it. A friend told me that the frequent pattern in her house growing up was that her mom would do it all until she couldn’t anymore and then the whole family would pay for it for weeks, even months, while her tired mama recovered. Sounds familiar. I do it too. But I don’t have to. Humility teaches me that I can own my weaknesses enough to ask for help. So this year, I am going to pursue humility in motherhood. I am starting small. I asked a co-worker to pick the kids up from school last week so I could rest at home with Micah, who had been sick. Most of us have people in our lives that are for us; they want to help ease the load. But they aren’t magic, so they can’t read our minds when we have had enough. Let’s ask our awesome hubbies to bring home dinner on hard days. Let’s ask neighbors to carpool. Let’s ask our friends from church to swap babysitting nights. It really is supposed to take a village. So let’s act like it.

Refuse to feel guilty constantly. When I hear all of the ‘shoulds’ from the world around me, it is really easy to feel like I’m not mom-enough. But I am. By God’s grace, I am a good mom. And you are too. I don’t have one friend that is a bad mom. Some of us work, some of us stay at home. Some of us love all the granola mom things, and some of us love fast food (Me! Me! Me!) Some of us have hot heads and some of us use sarcasm to discipline our three-nagers (Me again!). But all of us love our little ones like WHOA, and would do anything for them. So I am going to try to say nice things about myself this year, so that if someone else talked about me the way that I talk about myself, I would actually want to be friends with them.

Oh and this weekend, I am taking 24 hours off. My bestie and I are running away to a hotel. Even though we will look like we are on a romantic getaway, we aren’t. We are just two tired mamas whose hubbies go all in for our crazy plans. So we are going to eat dinner without feeding anyone else at the table, and bring ice cream up to our hotel room, watch some cable, and SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT. Because we can’t do it all, all the time. And we refuse to feel bad about that.

This week is our son’s six month birthday. I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around all the ways becoming his momma has changed me, but I will try to share a few thoughts this week because, his story is worth sharing.  
Waiting to see God’s faithfulness in giving us the baby He made our hearts long for, turned into such a precious season for me. Difficult, absolutely. Yet, sweet. Sweet the way Proverbs 27:7 says, “The full soul loathes a honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Learning to love the that season was learning to love the longing in my heart that God had only answered, with a word, “wait.” Ann Voskamp said, “This waiting on God is the very real work of the people of God.”

That’s it; waiting on Him is work. And I don’t even know the half of it. Yes, our wait was fully real but others have waited much longer, harder waits. Yet, in the midst of all of our difficult waiting, I find comfort in calling it what it is – work.

   It is work deciding to believe that God is good all the time, despite what our breaking hearts hiss at us in the dark. It is work choosing to lean into His gentle arms when we are mad and hurting because this world is so very broken. It is work to believe truth when lies seem so much more comforting.    So here are some glimpses into some of the hardest work of my life so far…

When I opened my new journal on March 3, 2015 and christened the pages, I wanted it to be christened with hope; so I wrote,“Oh Lord, what if this is the journal, the prayers on these crisp pages – what if behind this pen to paper lies the places you will turn my weeping to joy. Your promise to me on December 14 last year was, “Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest. Psalm 126:5-6” My prayer is for your glory to pour in me and through my life and for you to add a baby to our family through adoption. You are able, my King Jesus.” 

March 26, 2015, “I was born to sing the glory of your name. It’s the song in my heart for adopting a baby. Oh Lord, please don’t make us wait years more. Would you move mountains? Would you allow a girl to pick us this summer?…Lord, you are good all the time, there is all my hope.”

Then hope began moving fast, like a snowball rolling downhill, picking up speed and momentum. March 31, 2015, “Yesterday was the day we got a call. A birth mom has narrowed her choices down to 2 couples and we are one of them. You knew God, you have always known.”

April 1, “Today we meet a birth mom….”

April 2 , “I love that sweet mama. Please give her and the dad peace and confidence about their decision.”

April 3, “Who will she pick? How do I live fully today, when tomorrow could be the best or worst day in this process? How do I walk like Paul, “I have learned to be content with little or much.”

April 6, “I am so scared to be let down…by you. Why? Why can’t I learn for once and for all that I can count on extravagant grace? You alone know what the grace will be called, I hope it’s a baby boy. But for today, I know I can count on grace.”

April 14, “The Momma and Daddy picked us.”

April 19, “Jesus, you lived in the mess, asking God to take the road of suffering away but willing to walk into it. And so you are teaching me to live in the mess, the wait, in the hard but beautiful possibilities, waiting for baby Micah” 

As we waited, we met with Micah’s birth mom & birth dad over meals. Holy moments. We shared tears and laughter. We told stories and we listened to theirs. They are beautiful souls. And while we so admired and loved them, we knew that they were about to make the hardest decision of their lives. We knew that nothing was certain, even when we named the baby growing in her womb. We knew that though, she called me Micah’s mom, her heart was about to shatter in ways she couldn’t yet fathom. We only had hope.

May 4, “Mighty God, meet me here – with your grace and power.” That was the day I saw Micah on his 38 week sono and held his birth mom’s hand as we watched him wiggle and squirm. She and I went to get pedicures and we laughed that maybe it would send her into labor early.

May 5, “Today I only know this “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never cease! Great is your faithfulness! Your mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in him. (Lamentations 3:21-24)” That is the day our son was born.

His birth story will be for another post. Who knows when my heart can handle typing those precious details. But for today, I have a word for any of you who are also waiting on God….

You are doing a painful, hard, beautiful work, brothers and sisters. Waiting on God is not for cowards. If you are waiting and you won’t give up, you are brave. I don’t know what the labor of your wait will birth, but this I know:

He is good. He is for you. He will see you through this. He led you here. He cares. He won’t relent. You are in steadfast hands. Jesus loves you. His Word holds precious promises for you about who He is and what He is doing. You will never be ashamed of waiting on Him, hoping in Him, believing without seeing. That is a promise. 

Dear Friends,

I want to invite you to join me this month to be a part of what I call, Send Joy.  Hear me out: You know that happy/excited/jittery feeling you get when you go to the mailbox and you have a package waiting for you with your name on it? That is the BEST. Right??? I love getting surprise mail.

If you are anything like me, August was a little bit of a crazy maker. And I am hoping for a September full of joy! A few of my girlfriends and I were talking about how we want to slow down this month and soak up sweet moments of joy. I liked that idea and wanted to make it all the sweeter.

So I am hosting a Send Joy gift box swap. Here’s the big idea: This swap is open to the first 100 people to sign up now through September 3. On September 4 or 5, I will email you the name & address of someone in the swap and I will email someone else your name and address. You have about 2 weeks to put together a gift box to Send Joy to someone else in the swap. When your box is complete, you will toss it in the mail to whomever you get assigned to send one to! I will send a reminder email to everyone on September 15 that it is the last day to send your box.

That means this month you will have the opportunity to Send Joy to another woman, who like you & I, is fighting to find sweet moments to savor, in the midst of our crazy! How fun is this!?!?! And if all goes according to plan, you will walk out to your mailbox one day this month to find a box full of joy waiting for you!

What the heck is a box full of joy, you ask? Let me give you some ideas:

Why not start out with a fun decorative box? I added a chalkboard with my favorite chalk marker, some wash tape, gold cupcake liners, and a vintage tin can from my favorite flea market!

This package has a magazine, mason jar with some hand-made paper flowers, a watercolor print, and some Trader Joe’s Cookie butter (because YES!)

My favorite, this fall box, has a hand-made glittered fall banner (a free printable I found online), a bamboo leaf shaped cutting board, some yummy soap and a gift card

And the package at the top of the blog has a Rifle Journal, some yummy chocolates, and new pink lip gloss!

Y’all, our boxes can have anything in them! Its the thought that counts. How cool is this – we get to break the cycle criticism and negativity online, and choose to champion a complete stranger by sending some love their way!

So if you are still with me and thinking, YES I AM IN!!!… let me answer some questions you might have, and then I will tell you how to get your name on the list…

How much do I spend on my Send Joy box? I suggest between 10 & 20 dollars before shipping, but feel free to use your creative skills to hand make items to save money! Just remember that you are trying to make someone’s day with the box you send.

How do I guarantee that I will get one in return? There is no guarantee. But I seem to remember hearing somewhere it is better to give than to receive. And as long as everyone actually follows through on their commitment, you will get one in the mail this month!

What if I am known for getting really excited and not following through, should I still sign up? NO WAY! Listen, if you still have christmas packages in your trunk to send from last year, I think you should pass on this one 🙂 Seriously, just know yourself and don’t participate if you won’t follow through with Send Joy.

How will I know what the person I am assigned to Send Joy to will like? You won’t, but thats kind of the fun of it. Just put together a box that screams joy to you and I’m sure we will all love whatever we get in return. And for sure include a sweet note with warm wishes to your recipient!

Ok ready to join me??? Here’s how:

1. Send me an email with #SENDJOY in the subject line. And put your first name, last name, and address in the message. My email address is madison.fieleke@cru.org
2. I will email you by September 5 with a name & address that you are assigned to make a box and Send Joy to. Check your spam if you don’t get one from me by then.
3. Make your Send Joy box and send it as soon as you want to or as late as September 15. I will send out one reminder email.
4. Try to wait patiently as you check the mail every day! Eeeek!
5. When you get your box, send a thank you note, or post a picture on social media with #sendjoy so we can share the joy!
6. I will post an update here when the swap is full and closed : ) So assume that its not and email me now!

I am soooooooooooo excited! Feel free to share this link on Facebook or pull a pic for Instagram so your friends can join me & my friends and we can all Send Joy!

***************************************************************************************************SEND JOY IS OFFICIALLY FULL – if you already emailed me, I will be sending you your assignment in the next 2 days! (Don’t forget to check your junk mail if you don’t see it at first)

I’m sorry if you didn’t get a chance to sign up, maybe we will do it again next year! 

***************************************************************************************************

  

Our Itty Bitty is officially a preschooler (though she is home right now recovering from pneumonia). She is so excited. She loves her school and tells everyone about it. She loves loves loves her teachers. And her favorite part is recess when she plays with her friend “Aubrirella” (Aubriella). She doesn’t love Mom & Dad leaving her there but she responds well to bribes rewards of Sonic slushies upon our return!

 

And our Ruth Mae is in KINDERGARTEN! Oh my goodness. She loves it already. And even though she isn’t really a details kind of girl, she has told me that she likes a little girl named Margot and she gives Kindergarten, “two thumbs up!”

How did this happen? Just the other day I was holding my little girls in the hospital and changing their diapers. I held it together when we dropped Ruth off for her first day, but sobbed the whole way home to Josh. He asked where my tears were coming from and I responded, “Its the end of an era! We can never go back!”

Clearly I was feeling a bit dramatic, but I am processing our new normal of two kiddos in half-day school. Half of me is mourning how fast their infancy flew by and the other half of me is cheering on our brave kiddos who are awesome and hilarious and beautiful and kind! Thankfully, I have Micah at home to snuggle and kiss and maybe, just maybe, take a nap with!

So in honor of being a Mom for 5 years now and having kiddos in school, I am reflecting on 5 big lessons I have learned in this parenting journey so far. (Also, I think that this will be really fun to look back on in 15 years and laugh at how little I knew and how much I thought I knew!)

Here they go…

1. I will never be a perfect parent. I wish this would make me cease my striving, but I am a work in progress. I don’t need to be super mom. It’s ok that I bust it big time in this parenting thing. I am just not ever going to be perfect, but Jesus is. And because I have put my trust in him, his perfect record has been transferred to me. He doesn’t condemn my weak moments, he just calls me to trust him. He is a wonderful Father and I can trust Him with my kids life, fears, hearts, and salvation. And I would rather my kids know that Jesus is a perfect Father than try to convince them that I know that the heck I am doing!
2. Wine can take a mighty edge off a long day in Mom-Land. I’m no alchy, but I really, really, really, appreciate a cold glass of wine after a lengthy battle of wills with my three-nager. Sometimes, I talk to my wine as I pour it. “Hello, old friend.” “I’ve been thinking about you all day.” Judge away – I’ll be over here chatting with my Moscato.
3. I will never make it out of this Motherhood thing thriving if I care what anyone else thinks about how I parent. I have been in some A-W-K-W-A-R-D situations so far doing what I hope is best for my kiddos, and I would imagine it will only get harder. So bring it on, testy convos with other playground Moms or gentle corrections of college kids cussing around my toddler, I’ll do my best to honor and respect you, but we need to talk…
4. It really does take a village to raise a little human. And I desperately need some mama friends who can do this thing with me. But I’m not in college anymore which was basically one big social event. So, even though making mom friends is tough, I need to be a friend to make friends. So I’ve learned to pursue and be real with other mamas and keep on searching till I find some moms I jive with. And boy have I found them. We are exchanging memes and inappropriate jokes as I type this.
5. I thought I loved my husband when I married him. I did. But it was nothing compared to how much I love him now. Three kids at home, a Glory Baby, an adoption, and all the highs and lows in between, and I am obsessed with him. He is entirely more fun than I am and teaches our kids not to take life too seriously. And better yet, he still takes care of me when he comes home from work and I’ve had enough – he sends me to bed with Micah and I drink wine and eat Little Debbie’s for dinner while he feeds the big girls food that actually has one or more nutrients. I might not be super mom but he is certainly super dad!

Thats all for tonight. Its no secret what I am about to pour myself on my way to bed!

This summer has been so special! On Monday, as I buckled in our sweet little Bitty, and drove her to her first day of preschool, I realized that we’ve packed this summer full of precious memories and its about to be over. Thankfully Ru doesn’t start Kindergarten for a week so I have a little more time to soak up the summer.

After all, this will forever be the summer we got Micah!! It will forever be the summer before I had 2 (WHAT THE HECK?!?!) kiddos in school. It will forever be the summer our AC, garage door, master bathtub, dishwasher, and refrigerator broke…I don’t think I will mind forgetting about that, actually.

So if you want to, take a peek at some of our summer pictures!  I just want to put a little collection of our summer memories up on the blog so I can look back at them one day when I am not so sleep deprived and actually miss these sweet (sleepless) days. BTW, the reason I am sleep deprived isn’t even because I have a newborn, its because I have a 3 year old who doesn’t sleep. Seriously her two least favorite things: sleep and wedgies. So there’s that.

Back to fond memories…

Micah’s first few days home

Oh, her third least favorite thing – being forced to be center of attention. But we just had to sing our sweet girl, Happy Birthday!

This girl melts my heart.

And how is it that we have a FIVE year old??? Ru is dolphin crraaaazzyy so we just HAD to make her a dolphin birthday cake!

The laundry, oh the laundry. Its everywhere. I’ve given up on putting it away. Now we just leave it out until we wear it next. Wish I was kidding…

Our refreshing family trip to Fort Collins

We have seriously treasured all the time we have gotten with our families!

Our Mommy & Ru date day!

Mommy & Lydia date day!

And just last week, the Fieleke’s hosted a baby shower for Micah, where I  inappropriately refused to accept any clothing bigger than 6 months as gifts and just shouted a lot of “noo’s” and “why’s” at our family because gosh-darn-it this son of mine will NOT LEAVE ME AND GO OFF TO SCHOOL ONE DAY!!

Thanks for stopping by and looking through some of our favorite summer memories! And keep those back to school pictures coming please, because the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I’m not the only mama feeling ALL THE FEELINGS!!!

I have always known I am needy of grace and mercy. But now, as a mama of 3, I am desperate for grace overflowing, and mercy for each moment. Don’t get me wrong, you won’t find one complaint out of me about the family God has given me, Micah is just precious. We joke that he is the easiest of all of us. He is sweet, calm, sleepy, squishy. PERFECT! BUT. I. AM. OUTNUMBERED. Even Josh and I together, as a dynamic duo, are outnumbered. And we only have 8 weeks of this new normal under our belts. 

I have struggled through this 8 weeks wondering if I will ever be good at this. Will the chaos ever subside? Will the frazzled feeling that knocks me off my feet by 10 am at least hold off a few hours one day soon? So I find myself desperate for mercy and grace for my messy, weak, ugly moments.

One of my favorite things about spending time with Jesus is sitting before Him, Word open wide, ready to receive new mercies and abundant grace. Opening up my Bible, I always know I am about to receive. My God is a giver of grace and mercy. Jesus gives without end.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy and find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16

Simply put, mercy is God’s undeserved pardon. And grace is God’s undeserved favor. The God of the universe forgives lavishly – that’s mercy. When I picture God’s grace, I just think of him saying to each of his beloved children, “You are my favorite!” (and meaning it every time!)

But do you want to know whats just sad? I find that when I need grace and mercy flowing into my life most, I selfishly withhold it from others. Instead of lavishing it out on other mamas or pouring it onto my kids and husband, I unload my desert-land onto their laps. My words are harsh and punishing. But isn’t what I need most, what they need too?

This has been 8 weeks of fighting for grace. When my spicy 3 year old screams for the millionth time and I send her to her room, I recognize the all-too-familiar urge to yell back at her and accuse her of making days hard. Yet, I know what it is to need grace for the moment. I know what it is to scream in anger but long to be held and in my most unlovable moments, declared loved. I am learning to fight to be a giver of grace. So, I scoop her up, and remind her I love her because she is mine. And I speak truth over both of our hearts, “Jesus loves us because we are his daughters. Will he ever give up on us?” We both smile, teary but remembering, “never.”

Oh the fight is hard but worth it. To take other’s most unlovable moments and declare them loved, valued, and worthy.

Josh and I were talking about surviving the life with a newborn stage the other day. We both agreed, we find ourselves empty and tired and taking it out on the other. We decided for the next day we would lavish each other with the love, respect, and servant’s hearts. That is where Jesus meets us. Every time.

Y’all can pray for us. Pray that we would be givers of mercy, lovers of grace. I’ll pray for you, whoever reads this today. “Father, allow us to give away what we need most. We trust that we will always receive from you, abundantly, because of Jesus.”

“Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:23

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8