Life Outnumbered

I have always known I am needy of grace and mercy. But now, as a mama of 3, I am desperate for grace overflowing, and mercy for each moment. Don’t get me wrong, you won’t find one complaint out of me about the family God has given me, Micah is just precious. We joke that he is the easiest of all of us. He is sweet, calm, sleepy, squishy. PERFECT! BUT. I. AM. OUTNUMBERED. Even Josh and I together, as a dynamic duo, are outnumbered. And we only have 8 weeks of this new normal under our belts. IMG_2101

I have struggled through this 8 weeks wondering if I will ever be good at this. Will the chaos ever subside? Will the frazzled feeling that knocks me off my feet by 10 am at least hold off a few hours one day soon? So I find myself desperate for mercy and grace for my messy, weak, ugly moments.

IMG_2348

One of my favorite things about spending time with Jesus is sitting before Him, Word open wide, ready to receive new mercies and abundant grace. Opening up my Bible, I always know I am about to receive. My God is a giver of grace and mercy. Jesus gives without end.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy and find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16

Simply put, mercy is God’s undeserved pardon. And grace is God’s undeserved favor. The God of the universe forgives lavishly – that’s mercy. When I picture God’s grace, I just think of him saying to each of his beloved children, “You are my favorite!” (and meaning it every time!)

But do you want to know whats just sad? I find that when I need grace and mercy flowing into my life most, I selfishly withhold it from others. Instead of lavishing it out on other mamas or pouring it onto my kids and husband, I unload my desert-land onto their laps. My words are harsh and punishing. But isn’t what I need most, what they need too?

This has been 8 weeks of fighting for grace. When my spicy 3 year old screams for the millionth time and I send her to her room, I recognize the all-too-familiar urge to yell back at her and accuse her of making days hard. Yet, I know what it is to need grace for the moment. I know what it is to scream in anger but long to be held and in my most unlovable moments, declared loved. I am learning to fight to be a giver of grace. So, I scoop her up, and remind her I love her because she is mine. And I speak truth over both of our hearts, “Jesus loves us because we are his daughters. Will he ever give up on us?” We both smile, teary but remembering, “never.”

IMG_2201

Oh the fight is hard but worth it. To take other’s most unlovable moments and declare them loved, valued, and worthy.

Josh and I were talking about surviving the life with a newborn stage the other day. We both agreed, we find ourselves empty and tired and taking it out on the other. We decided for the next day we would lavish each other with the love, respect, and servant’s hearts. That is where Jesus meets us. Every time.

IMG_2286

Y’all can pray for us. Pray that we would be givers of mercy, lovers of grace. I’ll pray for you, whoever reads this today. “Father, allow us to give away what we need most. We trust that we will always receive from you, abundantly, because of Jesus.”

“Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:23

“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” Ephesians 2:8 

Advertisements

One thought on “Life Outnumbered

  1. Betsy says:

    Beautiful and heart warming. You’ll get through it. I love that you aren’t afraid to share the “real” parts of your journey. Life is hard. Kids are challenging. Marriage is constant work. Recognizing and asking for grace and mercy mean you have a heart that is open. As a huge football fan I’ll just say this…a zone defense is much harder than a man to man defense! But many Superbowls have been won in spite of that fact! xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s