Here’s the deal. I hate failing. I hate big fails and little fails. I wish I responded perfectly to the chaos that each day ushers in. My failures highlight my weakness in such obvious tangible ways to the watching world.
Yesterday, Micah threw such a loud fit at Hobby Lobby that people left their aisles and carts to come find the sound of the human who sounded like he was getting his leg sawed off. Nope, I just wouldn’t let him buy the $6.99 rainbow ball. The looks I was getting were a mixture of severe pity and severe judgement. I would have given my right arm to know how to parent him perfectly in that moment, but instead I nervous laughed and held him while he slapped my face. Not kidding, wish I was, but not kidding. Also, he plays in the toilet on a daily basis and gets whatever he wants. But he is just. so. cute. and sweet. and snuggly. ha.
One of our daughters went through about a solid year of refusing to wear underwear…with her dresses. The embarrassing situations I got myself in and the amount of times I screamed in public, “NOOOOOO!!! You aren’t wearing panties today!!!” was tragic. My decision to major on the majors in parenting my strong willed one forced me to decide panty wearing was not a major. In hindsight, panties might need to go on my list of battles worth fighting.
Josh was in pain from pulling his back out horribly a few weeks back. He was having back spasms that hurt so terribly, they brought tears to his eyes. The amount of times I have seen my husband of almost 9 years cry in pain is exactly zero. So I did what all loving supportive wives would do, and I started giggling uncontrollably. Who. Does. That???
But I was designed with weakness woven into my very being – by the One who promised His power is made perfect in my weakness. I’m fragile, and on my best days, I can pretend I’m not. But on all the others, I am forced to stare my fragility in the face and accept it. Because I am a great mom, until I’m not. And I’m a good wife, until I’m not. And I trust Jesus, until I don’t.
I love the idea of counting my blessings but I am often too lazy to look past the surface of my life. It’s easy to say thank you for a warm house, two working cars, a husband I adore, and awesome kids who He’s entrusted me to mother. But the truth is, God could take any one of those things away from me and His goodness wouldn’t fade. There has got to be something more than surface blessings for me to rejoice in. What if I rejoiced in my weakness and gloried in His grace?
This Thanksgiving week, I am thankful that He is faithful when I am faithless. I am thankful that though I have limits (that I don’t like to admit), His love and power and generosity is limitless. I am thankful that I am weak and He is strong. I am thankful that when I fail the people around me, I can point them to the One who has never and will never fail them. I am thankful that in my brokenness and anxiety and utter exhaustion, I can lift my eyes to the One who promises that He longs to be gracious to me.
Thanks for reading! What are you thankful for this year?
Here are some snapshots into our chaotic lovely life lately that I am utterly grateful for…
Last night was movie night with 4 of our 6 kiddos. We made cinnamon bread and watched Santa Claus 2. And all my kids snuggled Aaron the whole time because they adore him.
Dinner snuggles. Loving my new book! The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp. Date night at Jackie and Chad’s rehearsal dinner.
The beautiful bride. We love love love Jackie! Anya girl came with her Dad and Mom and snuggled us for a few days during all the wedding festivities! When people are staying in our house, and we are doing life together, I feel like I get a little taste of Heaven. And sweet Isabelle had her first playdate at our house last week. I made her brownies : )
Because this is the best pic I can get lately and I love it!