About 3 and a half months ago, we shared with you that we are trying to adopt a baby. And just like that, we opened up the ‘private’ of our life with everyone. It was wonderfully freeing but also scary. Y’all came alongside us, though, and celebrated with us and gave to our adoption fund. We couldn’t be more happy that you are in-the-know about what our family is waiting for.
3 and a half months ago, felt like the beginning of the wait for a baby to be matched with (though we had already been waiting for about 5 months). I was waiting patiently and well. Or so I thought. But, I started to notice that my heart wanted to skip turning to the Lord each day. And anxious thoughts that I unfriended long ago, started to come around and take up space in my head. What in the world was going on internally? I thought I was waiting on the Lord so well.
One day, as I sat with him, He spoke to my heart, “You want to wait, but you don’t want to grow. I have plans for your good, and I am relentless in my pursuit of all of you. Until you open up your closed fists to HOWEVER I want to grow you, you will be here; stuck.”
He was right. And I was mad. Here I am walking out in faith, willing to do something hard, and wait, and He says that isn’t enough?!?! I told Him I was mad and camped out there for a few weeks. That wasn’t working out so well. Sure enough, slowly He was softening my heart through His Word and reminding me that His plans for me are good and His desire for me to grow is beautiful.
“He will sit like a refiner of silver, burning away the dross. He will purify the Levites, refining them like Gold and Silver, so that they may once again offer acceptable sacrifices to the Lord.” Malachi 3:3
Have you ever been through a time of discipline by the Lord? As Lydia would say, “Whoa Buddy!” He has been reminding me that he always adds to my life by first subtracting all the impurities I have been defiantly stirring into my life. He is such a good Daddy. What loving earthly Dad would let his children make bad choice after bad choice without stepping in and correcting them? “Its because I love you and you are my daughter” He reminds me often.
In our American worldview, we don’t make much room for God to be anything but this loving spirit sitting in heaven who just wants us to be happy. The trouble is that the people I know who seek happiness the most, are the most chronically unsettled and unhappy. They are tossed about by waves of life and changing emotions, depending day to day on their circumstances to give them joy. We don’t have to live like that.
The truth is, Jesus sits on the refiner’s stool of my life and as the metal heats up, and I purpose myself to cooperate with His plan, He lovingly ladles off the impurities that come up to the surface. As He sifts them out, His joy and peace settles deeper and deeper in my soul. For me, the sweetest part is what Jim Cymbala notes in his book, Fresh Faith, “Do you know how the ancient refiner knew when He was finished, and the heat could finally be turned down? It was when he looked into the cauldron and saw his own reflection in the shining silver.”
Bless my friends and family as I walk through this season of refining. I wish I could hand out hard hats some days for them to wear as they walk through life with me and all of this falling debris. Life is messy and the people we love most get the worst of it, don’t they?
In the meantime, while Josh, the girls, and I wait for a baby to be matched with, we are growing. Only our Father knows how long our wait will be. Some days of the wait are more messy than others…days like the Parenthood finale when I maybe screamed at the TV because I wanted to be Julia and get a surprise baby. Please tell me you know what I am talking about!
Well, I have shared quite enough of my mess for the day. But here are some pictures of our life-in-the-wait lately.
I’ve been getting away to work alone a little more lately. Wednesday are Josh & the girls afternoon together. So naturally, they went out and got this…Her name is Alexis and I really like her. Once the shock wore off, I was glad they got her!
Thanks for stopping by & letting me share a bit about life lately!