I found myself asking the Lord last semester, “Are you sure you see me?” I kept feeling like Hagar (from Genesis 16) wandering the desert feeling all alone. Josh and I are dearly loved by our teammates and they cared for us well from Greece, but there were still oceans separating us, so I know it was a bit normal to feel alone.
When I was driving to an appointment with a student and back home to the girls, I asked the Lord out loud, “Are you sure you still see me?” “I feel stuck. Ministry is messy and hard. I am messy. You don’t have to keep watching me Lord. I mean, I know you will, because you are always true to who You are. But, really, I wouldn’t blame you if you looked away.”
So the day after I cried out to the Lord, we got a phone call from some dear friends in Lawrence. When I say dear, I mean precious to us. They took us in the second they met us at church. They offered to watch our baby, Ruth, at the time. They brought me meals when I was pregnant with Lydia and sick. They love people and serve tirelessly. They are also full of godly humility and so I will keep their name private.
Oh yes, back to the phone call. She said, “Josh, are you still paying rent? We think thats silly. You should buy a house. We could help.” What?!?! The details are precious to me and I will share any more if you want to call or email me, but thats the just of it.
When he hung up, I heard the Lord, “I see you. I always have and I always will. Every second and every longing of your heart, I see you.” Part of me was so glad I had cried out to him and been honest and the other part of me quickly confessed how sorry I was that my little faith allowed the question to ever grow root in my soul. He always sees me.
In Genesis, when God meets Hagar, the foreign slave girl in the desert, she gives Him a new name, “El-roi” (The God who sees me). He saw her not because she deserved it, but because He is always faithful to His character. He is full of abounding love and mercy towards both those who know him and those who are far from Him.
So we began the process of buying our first home. We pinched ourselves often as pieces fell into place and we found the one. One where our mortgage would be less expensive than our rent was. What?!?! Thank you El-roi.
At every turn, even more precious than the home He was allowing us to purchase, was the promise that He saw me. He knew my husband and I’s longing for a back yard for our girls. He knew my maybe-kinda-silly longing to paint walls and plant flowers. He saw me and that became the song of my soul last semester and this summer.
We are officially moved in, and when you get your monthly prayer letter from us, we included our new address. Our family came for a week and helped us with making this house our home. We painted every wall (Which thoroughly ridded my system from ever wanting to paint again). They joked that they were on a mission trip because they knew we wanted our house to be a blessing to college students. And quickly after they left, a college student who needed a place to stay, moved right into the guest room for a bit. We celebrated having a guest room to offer.
I would love to post pictures one day soon but I am too much of a snob, so I will wait to take pictures till my house is perfectly decorated and clean. Haha so maybe in three years… just kidding. I really will get around to that one day. In the meantime here are some of our firsts, first backyard bbq as a family and first morning in bed snuggling.
Thanks for stopping by and celebrating with us!